Arrggghhhh!  In the famous words of my Grandma Fox…”it’s NO GOOD”.  Not one bit of it.  For the twice per week swimming at the gym, I’ve been wearing one of my Speedo tank suits from the late 90’s – pink and blue tie dye – it’s pretty hot.  Except for the fact that it makes my arse look like it’s 2’ long by 2’ wide. Seriously attractive…if you saw my backside coming along, you’d think I was a “brick shithouse”.  Needless to say, this sex-pot suit does not leave the gym…I wouldn’t want random strangers humping my leg.  Ha, ha, ha.

Dilemma of the week…honeymoon season is in t-minus four days…can I lose 50# in four days?  No, but I can possibly locate a tankini that doesn’t make me look like a 70 year old woman with a concrete block in her drawers.  We’ll be hanging out in the jungle, so the howler monkeys should be the only ones that notice.  Hopefully the suit in question won’t attract the howler monkey poo – they like to drop turds on the heads of unsuspecting jungle walkers.  Between the howling and the poop dropping, they are a really funny animal to see.

Whatever happened to these old suits??  Glorious!

They allowed the ladies to hide their self-professed “problem areas”…the thighs, bum, stomach, breasts, etc.  (Plus, I think they are cute as heck!)  Most of us have one or more of these areas that are a “concern” and cause us to do strange, sometimes horrifying procedures to correct them.  I’m calling bull-sheet on it and I’m declaring “honeymoon season” or any other vacation time “Safe” from worrying about what we look like in a swimsuit.  Safe: remember way back when, while playing tag, you would run over to a base and you were SAFE – that’s right, you’re safe…like a cloak of invisibility, except you can walk around with your head held high – even with the block of Type II cement attached to your ass!

Yeah, I am a big talker…that’s why I’ve crafted a muumuu for the trip!  HA!